2018-06-08 / Commentary

Women Woes

I’m just saying...
Julia Rogers Hook

Commercials today are getting crazy!

Some of them are almost like a comedy skit. They will truly advertise for ANYTHING these days!

I mean, it’s bad enough we have to listen to screaming car salesmen as they shriek out their “deals” and ambulance chasing lawyers promising hundreds of thousands of dollars if you call them after an accident, but now they are promoting things that a few short years ago wouldn’t EVER be mentioned in mixed company!

They now have an actual commercial that advertises something that, if you find yourself at a party and absolutely have to, as we tell our kids, “go number two,” you can spray it in the toilet first and there won’t be any “aroma” afterwards.

The ad is set at a Hollywood party and some young starlet doesn’t want the director of a movie she wants a part in to…well…smell her, so she whips out her little spray bottle and has her own personal “moving experience” while no one is the wiser. I swear it’s a real commercial. And I’ve even seen the product in stores!

The names of these products are hilarious! Everything from “PooPourri, the number one product when you have to do number two” to my personal favorite… “Master Crapsman.” These are real folks! I’m not making this stuff up, wild though they may be!

It seems the wackiest commercials are usually targeted at women. From everything from feminine hygiene to birth control to incontinent supplies, they have an ad for women of all ages! And they usually play every afternoon right through dinner and beyond along with the car and lawyer ones.

There’s even one now that paints a picture of a woman’s now “unacceptable” way of wearing her earrings!

As if women didn’t have ENOUGH to worry about already, now we have to concern ourselves with the horror of droopy earrings!

This particular commercial plays a lot on the networks that are targeting the female audience and it tells you that “as you age” your teenaged-era pierced ears could “elongate” and your earrings will no longer sit “effortlessly” on your ears! Of course the ad has the “perfect solution,” which is a new earring back for pierced ears that will “flawlessly balance” any earring… posts or dangly ones, so they will pertly “stay in place” and “never sag” again.

Seriously? THIS is now a thing? In addition to our age, our weight, our skin’s condition, unwanted hair, too short or sparse eyelashes, annoying leg veins, and oh dear heaven, “crepey skin,” we now have to be burdened with how our earrings hang?

The pressure is astounding!

Men never get targeted in these things. You never see ads for men telling them to clip their nose/ear hairs, whiten their teeth enough so they can “pass the tissue test,” or do ANYTHING to “stay young” and “look your best!”

No…men get targeted for maintaining their…ummm…sexual prowess and that’s about it. Men are advised at “a certain age” when they are feeling “romantic,” to take “a little blue pill” and you’re good to go. There’s also a warning in the ad that if it doesn’t wear off in “FOUR HOURS” consult your physician.

FOUR hours???

The only thing I want to do for four straight hours is sleep!

That’s it for men as far as self-improvement goes. They are never marketed for skin or teeth and only for hair if they are losing their own and don’t like it.

In addition to maintaining a single digit clothing size, (when did a size 10 become chubby?) getting that “perfect summer tan” without damaging our skin, and making sure that skin is “wrinkle free” along with having “shiny bouncy and behaving” hair, women are constantly encouraged to “better ourselves,” or at least maintain what we’ve got for as long as possible.

And that maintenance can get downright expensive! All those anti-wrinkle creams and cleansing gels and hair products along with the teeth whiteners and oh MERCY, those hair removal methods are NOT cheap!

I started getting my eyebrows waxed a few years back when my eyesight got to the point that if I continued plucking them, there was a good chance I’d end up needing brow implants!

So I wax them now and let me tell you ladies…my eyebrows will be the ONLY thing I ever get waxed! Slapping scalding hot wax on my body and then applying an extremely adhesive piece of tape and yanking out the hair at the root with it is bad enough in that small space on my forehead.

There’s no commercial on the planet that could convince me to wax anywhere else. No matter how good any ad says the product is…brows are where I draw the line!

I’m just saying…

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